


The Past Revealed Through Want And Need

by sinfuldesire_archivist



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Drama, During Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-10-08
Updated: 2006-10-08
Packaged: 2018-09-03 08:23:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8704924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinfuldesire_archivist/pseuds/sinfuldesire_archivist
Summary: Companion piece to "The Future Reflected In The Rearview Mirror.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the Sinful Desire archivists: this story was originally archived at [Sinful-Desire.org](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Sinful_Desire). To preserve the archive, we began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2016. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [Sinful Desire collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/sinfuldesire/profile).

THE PAST REVEALED THROUGH WANT AND NEED  
By Shorts

Sam’s shadow lengthened as the sun dipped lower and he adjusted the backpack over his shoulder as he walked. He stuffed his hands in the front pocket of his jeans, hunching his shoulders as the temperature started to drop. Keeping his head down, he ignored the few cars that passed him along the two lane highway, too caught up in his own thoughts to care when a prospective ride slowed down.

The last time he had found himself walking like this, he and Dean had a difference of opinion. This time, it was for the opposite reason. And that was the problem. The thought that Dean was once again putting him first, regardless of how Dean felt, was a promise Sam had made to himself that he wouldn’t allow to happen again.

All his life, Dean had placed Sam’s needs and wants before his own. Not always graciously, but the end result was always the same. Whether it was the last of the Lucky Charms, or wanting to escape off to college, Dean was there. He had always bitched that he hadn’t had much of a childhood, but in comparison, Dean never had one at all.

Growing up, few things ever stayed the same. Schools came and went, friends were fleeting due to their vagabond lifestyle and their father appeared and disappeared without pattern. But through it all, Dean had always been the constant in his life. The one person he could always depend upon, to comfort and console no matter what, had been his brother.

By the time he was finally old enough to understand the things Dean did for him, his hero worship had turned into something else. It had altered and changed into deeper feelings. Feelings that had scared and unsettled him, and when the opportunity to escape to college happened, he took it. Afraid his secret would become known if he stayed.

The day he left college behind to once again be with Dean, he had sworn to himself he would never allow Dean to sacrifice himself for his own needs again, and when Dean had leaned over and kissed him, his gut reaction was just that. Dean was giving into what he thought Sam wanted and needed. It was, but he needed Dean to want and need it, too.

Rubbing his hand over his mouth, he stopped and turned, looking back the way he had come. The one thing Dean had ever admitted to being afraid of, he had done to him. He had left him alone.

Kicking a pebble off the shoulder and into the ditch, Sam turned to look back the way he had come, squinting against the glare of the setting sun. Wisps of clouds drifted with the breeze, scattered and directionless, much the way he was feeling. Hugging himself against the chill of loneliness, he struggled whether to go back or go forward. He knew whatever choice he made, it would be a turning point in his life.

Turning in a circle, he finally chose and started walking. The thought that Dean might not be there when he got back had him lengthening his stride. He covered the distance faster than when he had left. Relief flooded him when he saw Dean rise from sitting next to the water and he wanted to break out and run to him, but the sight of Dean slowly walking back to the motel, head bent forward and unaware of his surroundings tore at Sam’s heart and his steps faltered. It was rare for him to see Dean with his shields down, and what he saw was pure misery. A misery he had caused by leaving him.

The realization that Dean was leaving struck home as Dean threw the duffel bag into the car and slipped behind the wheel of the Impala. Crossing the parking lot, Sam moved behind the Impala, uncertain how he would be received. The reverse lights flared, bathing him in light, but the car didn’t move.

Shifting the heavy backpack hanging over his shoulder, Sam slowly walked around to the passenger door and opened it.

“Sam?” Dean stared at him as he leaned partway into the car.

“Guess we’re hitting the road, huh?” With his heart hammering inside his chest, Sam tossed his backpack into the back and slid into the passenger seat.

“Sam?” repeated Dean, eyes wide and shiny from the tears that tracked down his cheeks. 

Sam gazed back at Dean, wishing he had the words to explain. “It’s okay. _We’re_ okay.”

Dean pinned him with an unreadable expression and after a moment, he nodded. 

Silently Sam eased back into the seat, highly aware of his brother beside him as they drove down the dark highway. With utmost care, he slid his hand along the seat and covered Dean’s hand resting on his thigh, giving it a squeeze. His heart skipped as Dean turned his hand to clasp their fingers together.

Knowing how Dean hated chick flick moments involving spouting about feelings, he leaned over and lightly kissed him on the cheek. Not everything was just for him, some were also for Dean.


End file.
